


The Power Outage

by horrorgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 06:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7031905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorgirl/pseuds/horrorgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is in a bad mood and Cas is tired of tip toeing around him. Then the tornado warning is issued and the power goes out. Now they have nothing to do but deal with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Power Outage

"The Weather Channel has issued a tornado warning for Central and Northern Kansas" Cas called over his shoulder.

"And..." Dean responded from where he was sitting at the table.

"And we're in Kansas."

"Cas, we're in a bunker. I'm pretty sure that we'll be fine."

"But what about Sam?"

"Sam is in Colorado, you know that." Dean didn't know why he was so irritable. When Sam approached him about going to Colorado to meet with an expert at the University, Dean just tossed his car keys to his younger brother. He was in no mood to go to Colorado. Now Cas was talking about the weather. Who gave a shit about the weather? They lived in a bunker. It was safer than any basement or cellar in the state of Kansas. "He watches the news, I'm guessing that he knows what's going on. He'll just sit tight until it's all over. They usually pull those warnings after a couple of hours anyway. A few trees get blown down and somebody loses the shingles off of their roof. It's not a big deal."

"It's kind of a big deal."

Dean just sighed in exasperation. Sometimes he felt like he was dealing with a child when he talked to Cas. "No, it's really not. Wasn't it your father who created tornadoes and shit in the first place?"

"I'm not an angel anymore Dean, you can stop referring to God as my father. But technically, in a roundabout way he did."

"Maybe somebody should have talked him out of it."

Cas could see that Dean was in a foul mood. He was stuck in the bunker without a car, and Dean hated being stuck anywhere.

"Sorry, I never actually met the guy so I didn't get the chance." Cas usually tip toed around Dean when he got like this, everybody usually tip toed around Dean when he got like this, but Cas was sick of it. So Dean had a temper, big deal. 

"Oh yeah, that whole absent father thing. I keep forgetting."

"Really? I'd think if anyone would understand it would be you." Cas knew he was walking a fine line, but he just didn't care anymore.

Dean finally looked up and glared at Cas, "my father wasn't absent, he was just a shitty father."

"Oh, okay, I see the distinction now."

Dean turned his head away and went back to watching a movie on his computer. Cas had an attitude today and he really didn't want to deal with it. Even though Cas was his best friend, it was days like this when he wondered if asking him to move into the bunker after he lost his grace had been a good idea. Cas could be a real asshole when he was an angel, but sometimes Dean missed the way that he could just disappear at will. Right now was one of those times. Dean looked up when the lights flickered, "don't get your panties twisted in a knot, we have backup generators."

Cas just groaned from his spot on the couch. One of the few things he missed about being an angel was his ability to just disappear. At least he and Dean had that in common.

The lights flickered again. "Do you know if those backup generators even work still? This place was built a long time ago and it hasn't exactly been updated."

Dean was getting frustrated, "I'm sure that they work. I'm going to my room where it's quiet so that I can finish watching watching this movie."

"Can't watch asian porn and talk at the same time? I thought you were a multitasker."

"You know what, Cas? Blow me." Dean said before he grabbed his computer and walked away. 

Cas just leaned back against the couch and started flipping through channels.

The lights flickered a few more times and then went out completely. Everything went pitch black. Dean groaned and grabbed the flashlight he kept next to his bed. He walked down the hall to the utility room and found the backup generators. He flipped the switches, but nothing happened. He tried jiggling some wires and flipping them again, but nothing happened. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." He left the utility room and went in search of Cas. "Cas? You still on the couch?"

"It's pitch black in here, Dean. Where else would I be?"

"I need some help with the generators," Dean said as he dug around in the cabinet for another flashlight and some tools. He took it over and handed it to Cas. "Just follow me."

Cas flipped on the flashlight and followed Dean to the utility room. The generators had to be at least 40 years old. He didn't know how in the hell Dean thought that they'd still work.

"Okay, point your flashlight right there so that I can unscrew the side of this thing and see what's going on."

"Are they gas powered..."

"Cas! Just point the damn flashlight for me."

Dean got the side panel unscrewed and pulled off. They were gas powered, and empty. Sam had the Impala so they couldn't siphon gas from there, and gas was one of the few things that they didn't keep on hand. Dean slammed the metal panel back in place and screwed it back on. "Looks like we wait it out." Cas turned and walked away. Dean found him in the main room running the light up and down the stacks of books.

"What are you doing?"

"Um, trying to find something to read." Cas knew that dealing with Dean when he was in a bad mood was one thing, but dealing with Dean when he was in a bad mood and had nothing to do would be painful.

"You know that if you get those out of order then Sam with have a fit." Dean didn't know why he was so annoyed.

"Yes, I do know that. I'm pretty sure that I can remember where I got it from when I decide to put it back." He found a book and walked back over to the couch. 

Dean didn't know what to do. He couldn't watch a movie, he couldn't listen to music, and he didn't feel like sharing story time with Cas. He walked to his room and shut the door. He wasn't that tired, but maybe if he was lucky he'd fall asleep until the power came back on. Cas heard the bedroom door shut and laid on the couch with the book propped against his legs. Everything in Sam's library had to do with the Supernatural, there wasn't a whole lot of light reading, but he didn't have anything else to do. 

Dean was too restless. He didn't even have the luxury of the light from the numbers on his clock, everything was just black. He checked his watch and a whole 20 minutes had passed. This was going to be a long night. He walked out into the main room and poured himself a drink. "Cas? Do you want a drink?"

"I thought I wasn't allowed to drink anymore."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Free will, Cas. Free will."

"No, but thanks."

Dean took his drink and sat on the chair by the couch. "What are you reading anyway?"

Cas turned and looked at him, "to be perfectly honest, I have absolutely no idea. I don't know how Sam does this." He closed the book and set it on his lap. "I just wish the stupid lights would come back on."

"What, you're not enjoying the ambiance?"

"Nope, not really. I was, however, enjoying the movie that I had just started watching." He moved the book to the coffee table and shut off his flashlight, "might as well save the batteries since we have no idea how long the power will be out."

"Hey, I thought the back up generators would work."

Cas just sighed and laid silently in the dark.

"What is up with you, Cas?"

"Nothing," Cas said quietly.

"It's not nothing"

"Ya know what Dean?" Cas said softly, "if I even start to tell you what's on my mind you'll just tune me out. I mean what if I accidentally started talking about feelings and backed you into a chick flick moment?"

"C'mon Cas, I'm not that bad."

"Actually Dean, you are. When have you ever talked to me about something important? When have you ever come to me when something was bothering you? Actually, when have you ever gone to anybody when something was bothering you? Maybe I just don't get this human best friend thing. Maybe my expectations are off."

"Cas, you know that I'm a sarcastic asshole."

"God Dean, you say that like it's a badge of honor or something."

They sat in dark silence, neither one knew what to say.

Dean finally broke the silence, "It's just who I am, Cas. It's who I've always been."

"So what, some casting director was in charge of your life? There is supposed to be a surly and sarcastic asshole with his smart and sensitive brother, and don't forget the overly attached and dependent sidekick? It's a cliche, Dean."

"Doesn't the surly and sarcastic asshole usually end up being the one with the heart of gold?" Dean joked. He hated this shit.

"I don't know, Dean. You tell me." Cas knew that trying to talk to Dean right now was pointless, "I can tell that you want no part of this conversation, so I'm going to take my overly attached and dependent self to my room." He flipped on his flashlight and walked away.

Dean had no idea where any of this was coming from, but he knew that Cas was right. He was a cliche. He didn't want to sit there in the dark and overthink so he followed Cas to his room.

He knocked on Cas's door.

"What do you want, Dean?"

"Okay, not the warmest welcome in the world. What is up with you?"

"I'm thinking that maybe I should leave."

Dean just sat in stunned silence. "Why do you think that you should leave?" he finally asked.

"What's the point of being here? I'm not going for a pathetic sad ex-angel thing here. I'm just really struggling to figure out why I'm here."

"Cas, you're my best friend." 

"I don't even know what that means, Dean. It was one thing when I was an angel and we fought battles and saved each others asses...hell we've even kicked each others asses. But as a human, I serve no purpose." 

"Cas, you know that's not true."

"I just take up space, Dean. I'm just another mouth to feed and another annoyance to deal with. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm being realistic." Cas was glad that it was dark in the room, that Dean had his flashlight pointing down at the floor and not the bed. He didn't want Dean to see the tears. He cared about Dean, and he didn't want to leave, but he was tired of feeling like he didn't belong in the Winchester's lives anymore.

"Cas, you do more than take up space."

"Tell me how. Give me one reason to stay, a legitimate reason."

"I want you here, I need you here."

"Why?" Cas said quietly.

The room went silent. Cas wiped his eyes, "That's what I thought."

"I don't know why, okay?"

"Dean, saying I don't know is just saying that you've never thought about it, that you've never even tried to figure it out. It's not a legitimate reason."

Dean didn't know what to say. Cas was right, he'd never thought about why he needed Cas since he became human.

"Don't feel like you owe me anything just because of everything we've been through." Cas quietly said. "I refuse to be an obligation. I don't have much, but I'd like to think that I can keep my pride intact."

"We already made it clear that I'm an asshole. Would an asshole do something out of a sense of obligation?"

"That's the thing, Dean. There is a lot more to you than just being an asshole. You just don't let me see it. I'm not asking you to sit here and spill your deepest darkest thoughts. I'm not asking anything of you. I'm just telling you how it looks from my end. You can't give me a reason to stay. Right now you are feeling defensive and you want to tell me that if I want to leave then I should leave. There's not a chance in hell that you'd try to stop me. I do know you that well." Cas rolled away from the sound of Dean's voice and faced the wall.

Dean shut off the flashlight, walked in the room, and sat on the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. "What am I supposed to say, Cas? That I had a fucked up childhood? That I hated and worshiped my father at the same time? That I've been jealous of Sam for as long as I can remember? That I would give anything...anything to remember my mother? That I hate myself for the things that I have done? Is that what you want?"

"I think that is the most that you have ever told me about yourself." Cas whispered.

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I don't remember her, Cas. I try. I look at pictures and I try to remember anything I can, the sound of her voice, the smell of her shampoo, but nothing comes to me. I see a beautiful woman named Mary Winchester, but she isn't real to me." He was speaking so softly that Cas could barely hear him. "And my father? My father was a bastard, Cas. He dragged me and Sam around like luggage. He wanted me to be his soldier and he did it all in her name. It was all for her, like somehow getting revenge for her death was going to change everything, like it was going to bring her back. I always thought that he was so tough and so strong and I thought that's how men were supposed to be. Do you know how ingrained that is in me? Life is about instinct and staying one step ahead. Emotions are a weakness. That's all I've ever known. Call it an excuse or a cop out, but it's what I was taught. I know that Sammy is different. He's always been different. He's stronger than I am. He had the balls to stand up to the old man and he got away. But I brought him back. I couldn't just leave him alone. Every time that he has risked his life or gotten hurt has been on me and I hate myself for it." Dean finally broke down, "I hate what I see when I look at myself, Cas. I put on this front, I'm Dean Winchester the asshole because if I'm anything else then I feel weak."

"You're not weak, Dean."

"Uncle Bobby used to tell me that. Sam tells me that. You tell me that. But how do I make myself see it?" Dean was openly crying now and Cas could feel his own tears running out of the corners of his eyes. "When I kill something, I feel strong. I'm like a fucking caveman. But when the adrenaline wears off, I'm just empty. I have absolutely nothing to show for my life." He lifted his head and wiped his face, "I'm guessing that you didn't expect an invitation to the Dean Winchester pity party."

"This isn't a pity party, Dean. This is your life. I don't feel sorry for you, because I don't think that's what you want. But I am sorry that this is the life you've led. I'm sorry that you can't see what the rest of us see."

"What do you see, Cas?"

"I've always seen somebody who was brave, but reckless. Somebody who has always let everybody label his brother as the smart one and lived in that shadow, even though he's just as smart. You are empty because you go through the motions, but it doesn't mean anything to you anymore. The hunting, the women, it's all meaningless. Somebody who probably does have the capacity to truly love, but doesn't trust himself enough to. I know that you loved Bobby and that you love Sam, I've seen that, and I've seen how loyal you've always been. I'm sorry Dean, but you are emotional, you are passionate. You hold it all in until you almost break and then you become angry because you can't figure out any other way to deal with it. I do see that you care about me, but you don't know how I fit into your life, and neither do I."

"I don't want you to leave, Cas..."

"Maybe I'm being insecure, or selfish, but I don't see what I have to offer. I don't see what I do to better your life. It was one thing when I was still an angel and I was part of the game, part of the hunt. Now I'm human and I have absolutely no idea about what I'm supposed to do or where I fit in. Cas's pity party."

"Do you care about me, Cas?"

"Why would you even ask me that?"

"Do you care about me, Cas?:

Cas took a deep breath, "more than anything."

"That's why I don't want you to leave."

Cas started crying in earnest, he couldn't form words, and he knew that Dean could hear him.

"Cas, ask me to go after a demon, I'm fine. Ask me to trust someone, I'm terrified. Why do you think that I've never been in an actual relationship? At least not one that I believed in or had any hope for. Why do you think that I've never had any real friends? Other hunters don't count, they're family. I'm talking true friends, somebody that I trust with my life, or with Sam's life? I don't know how. Pathetic, I know. But growing up, what I learned from watching my father was that falling in love was the worst thing that could happen to a person. He died right along side my mother that night. I lost both of my parents when I was four years old and in order to be something other than a hindrance, I had to become useful. So I learned, I fought, I killed, and I did my best to protect Sam. That's all I've ever done. That's what I am."

"No Dean, that's what you've made yourself believe that you are. You're not John Winchester. And I know, you've heard this. I heard your uncle Bobby tell you that your are a better man than your father ever was, but I know that you didn't believe him."

"How can I hate and love my own father at the same time? It isn't right. It doesn't make sense."

"It makes perfect sense. I feel the same way about my father. He created me, and then he abandoned me. He abandoned us all."

"Is that why you fell?"

"That was part of it. You'd think that heaven would be this pure and wonderful place. I believed it, until I saw first hand how corrupt it is. It's no better than hell. It's different, but no better. Some angels are just sanctimonious versions of demons. Giving up my power wasn't an easy decision. I just couldn't live with myself anymore. I started to hate what I saw when I looked at myself..."

Dean was searching for Cas in the dark, but he didn't dare turn his flashlight on, he didn't want to risk ruining this.

"So what pushed you to finally do it? To fall?"

"I had no idea of what to expect when I fell. You hear horror stories about angels who have fallen, but I realized one day that I couldn't keep pretending to believe in something that I no longer believed in. I stopped fighting battles in the name of heaven long before I fell."

"So why did you keep fighting, Cas?"

"Because I believed that we were doing the right thing for humanity. I may have lost my faith in where I came from, but I never lost my faith in humanity."

"And you still have faith in me?"

"Dean, I will always have faith in you. You see the ugliness of what you have done. I've stood in the shadows and watched you do meaningful things. You gave your life for Sam's. You've risked your life for me. You've put faith into your cause. That's where I see your passion and loyalty. The tragedy is, you can't see it. I want to make you see it but I don't know how. That is why I feel like I have nothing to offer you. I can't stand next to you and fight anymore. I can't heal you. I serve to purpose. But I have to be man enough to admit that, not just to myself but to you as well. I get it. I really do. It hurts me to picture a life without you, I just have nothing to offer you anymore. I don't fit in. I'm not an angel, I'm not a hunter, I'm just Cas."

"You're not just Cas. Maybe the power going out was the best thing that ever happened to us because right now I don't want to be anywhere else than sitting on this damn concrete floor listening to you talk. I don't want to make things awkward, but can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Dean."

"Cas, do you love me?"

Cas hesitated. He didn't know how to answer that question. The definition of love that he always knew was quite different than the human equivalent.

Dean could sense his apprehension. "I'm sorry if I crossed a line. You don't have to answer that."

"As an angel, I loved my father, I loved my brothers and sisters, and I loved all of humanity. That's what was expected of me and I did so whole heartedly. That was all I knew of love. I didn't know that it was even possible to love one human more than the others. Not until I met you."

The room went silent. Cas wondered if he'd said too much, but he knew he had to be honest with Dean. This was an important conversation and it was very possible that he would be packing his bags soon.

"I could lie to you, Dean. I could tell you that you don't mean more to me than the others. But right now, in this moment in the dark, I want you to know the truth."

"Is that why you helped us?

"No, Dean. I fought along side of you because I believed in what you were doing. I felt like I had a purpose. I felt like we were doing it for the greater good, and I still believe that. Things got twisted and convoluted at times, but I believed in the endgame. I don't have that capability anymore and so I feel like my usefulness has run out."

"Cas, I'm not my father. I'm not looking for a good little soldier. I'm a total asshole, I know that, but I don't want to be like him."

"You're not like him. I don't know John Winchester. I've never met John Winchester. All I know is what you, Bobby, and Sam have said. You are a better man than he ever was."

"Then why don't I see it?"

"Dean, in order for you to see it, you have to accept and deal with things that you have kept locked away for so long that you are scared to open up and let it all out. You are afraid of being alone, but that's his fault, not yours. You have never believed that you were anything other than a hunter, but that is his fault, not yours. You've never believed that you deserve love, but that is his fault, not yours. When you lay in your bed night after night what do you think about? What is it that you really want?"

"I don't want to be alone."

"Because you don't know how? Or because you truly don't want to?"

"Both. What about you, Cas? What do you think about when you lay your head on your pillows at night?"

"My humanity, and everything that comes with it."

"Do you ever regret falling? Do you miss being an angel?"

"There are things that I miss, yes, but I don't regret doing it. I could have stayed an angel, I could have stayed useful, but I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in a mirror anymore."

"Damnit Cas! You ARE useful."

"Dean, I'm not asking for a nostalgic laundry list of everything that I've done for you and Sam. I'm not asking you to give me a hollow reassurance. You said before that becoming a soldier was the only thing that kept you from feeling like a hindrance. I can't be a soldier anymore, so where does that leave me? We both thought that I could fit into your world as a human, but so far I'm not seeing where."

"I have lost so much in my life...damnit, this floor is killing my ass. Let me go hunt down a chair."

"Dean, you can lay up here with me. It's a big bed, I can guarantee that our bodies won't touch."

Dean hesitantly crawled up on to Cas's bed and laid on the edge with his hands behind his head. He knew that Cas's back was to him because he'd heard the way Cas's voice echoed off of the concrete walls.

"I have lost so much in my life, Cas. My parents, Bobby, others hunters like Ellen and Jo, even Sam. There has been more than one time when I lost Sam and I know how lucky I am to have gotten him back every time. But, I remember that day that you walked into that lake. The day that you released the Leviathins, Bobby and Sam watched the water turn black and started to prepare for battle while I watched your coat wash ashore. I picked it up and put it in my trunk, and it stayed there. It was all I had left of you. I lost you that day, and it hurt. I know that you were still an angel, but that coat didn't represent an angel, it had belonged to my friend Cas."

Cas thought about the coat. He knew that Dean had kept it, but he'd never really questioned why. He didn't understand sentimentality then, and he certainly didn't think that Dean had it in him to be sentimental. He didn't know what to say. 

"I don't know how to get past this, Dean,. I don't know how to stop feeling like this. I know that it's probably a lot like dealing with a child who is just learning how to walk. I'm a different person now, and I don't always know what that means. I'm still surprised sometimes by my humanity. I don't always understand being tired or hungry, things that I never felt as an angel. I never thought that being human would be so different, and maybe my expectations are my mistake."

"What did you expect?"

"To be more like you and Sam I guess."

"I don't want you to be like me and Sam. I don't need another Sam, and the world certainly doesn't need another Dean. But this human Cas? He's still Cas, just without his wings. Do you really think that the only reason I wanted you around was because of what you could do for me as an angel? Do you really think that little of me?"

"No, but I do think that you learned to rely on me."

"You're right, I did. We all did. When I called, you always came and you always did what you could to help. But you also pissed me off and we turned on each other more than once. We walked away. Sam saw what it did to me, and he always wanted to talk about it, but I couldn't. I guess it takes a power outage to get me to talk. Who knows?"

"But Sam's your brother..."

"I know. But I practically raised Sam. I tried to protect him from the life. I knew that I was going to end up being like my father and I didn't want that for Sam. It hurt like hell the day he walked out and left for college, but I didn't try to stop him. I wanted to, but I didn't. All Sam has ever seen in me is another version of our father. I've let Sam in a couple of times, but it regretted it almost every time. My shit is my shit and Sam doesn't need to deal with it. You know how he is. He just wants to fix it, but he can't fix me."

"You're not as broken as you think you are, Dean. Sometimes I think that you know that, but it's just easier for you to give up and play that part instead of facing the man that you could be, the man that you really are. Do you realize how many times I just stood back and watched you? And I'm not talking about the creepy watching you sleep thing, I'm talking about times that you knew that I was there. When I was an angel, I knew almost everything about you. I knew how you felt, I knew what you wanted, I knew what you needed. I tried to help you, even when you pushed me away. There were times when all I had was you."

Dean chuckled quietly, "that's pretty sad, Cas."

"Yeah, maybe it is, but it's true. When I fell, I lost that. I don't have that luxury anymore."

"How was that a luxury?"

"Because sometimes I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Dean."

The room went silent again while Dean thought about that, the idea of Cas not feeling like he knew him anymore hurt. Cas had always known him. Cas knew him better than Sam did at times. But if Cas only knew him, understood him, when he was an angel then maybe he was right about leaving. Dean could feel the physical pain in his chest when he thought that.

"I'm sorry, Cas" he whispered through his tears. He could feel Cas crying on the bed next to him.

"Don't be sorry. I'll pack up my things when the power comes back on. I'm sure that I can find someplace to go. You don't have to lay here with me anymore, Dean."

"I can't lose you Cas."

"You already did, Dean. You lost me when I fell."

Even though Cas told him that he could leave, Dean couldn't move. He couldn't stop the tears. He couldn't imagine his life without Cas there. Then he did something that he never thought he'd do, he rolled over and wrapped his arms around Cas.

"No, I didn't. I didn't lose you when you fell. You know what you bring to me, Cas?" he sobbed. "You bring my humanity. Even when you were an angel you tried to help me see right from wrong. You always believed in me, even when I pissed you off. Even when we were playing different sides of the field. I always saw it. I always knew it. That hasn't changed."

"Dean..."

"This? This right here? Nobody even knows that this side of me exists. Nobody has ever seen this. I can't explain why I let you in like this, but I can't lose you. I need you to be here. I need you to remind me that I'm more than just a killing machine."

Cas was still surprised by Dean's arms around him. Dean wasn't physical, Dean wasn't intimate. 

"I don't know why we're here like this, Cas, but I don't want to be anywhere else right now. Dean Winchester, the one who lives outside of this room, outside of this bunker, would not be laying on a bed in the dark holding another man. I don't feel like that guy right now. I don't want to be that guy right now. When I picture you packing up your bags and letting the door shut behind you, I can't breathe." he buried his face against the back of Cas's neck and sobbed.

Cas knew that he was risking scaring Dean away, but he rolled over and held Dean's head against his chest. Instead of pulling away, Dean just pulled him closer.

"I can't feel it anymore, Dean. I can't sense it. Tell me what you want, what you need."

"I need to be able to leave my bitterness and anger at the door and be this guy. I need to know that somebody out there sees me as more than just a sarcastic asshole."

Cas just held Dean against him while they both cried. This wasn't a hunter and an angel laying together in the dark, it was two damaged humans who needed something that only the other could give.

"I need someone who loves me, and not because they are family and they have to. I need someone who loves me because they can see something in me that I can't even see. In all of the years that we have known each other, you've never given up on me. Please don't give up on me now, Cas." then he did the unthinkable. Dean leaned up in the dark and pressed his lips against Cas's. "Your're right, Cas. I don't trust myself."

"But I trust you." Cas whispered.

Dean pulled away from Cas and held himself up on one elbow. it was too dark to see him, but he could feel Cas next to him. He reached out and cupped the side of Cas's face with his hand. He didn't know why he was doing this, why this was happening, but he needed to feel as close to Cas as he could. He bent his head and softly kissed Cas again. He didn't need lights, he could feel where every inch of Cas's body was. Neither one of them spoke when Cas reached up and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, pulling their lips together again, their tongues probing each others mouths. Dean slid his body between Cas's legs and ran his hands down his arms until their hands finally met. He intertwined their fingers and held Cas's arms above his head against the pillow as he dipped his head down and started to softly kiss along the side of Cas's neck and jaw. They were needy, but not rushed. Dean finally let go of their hands and sat up to take his shirt off. He started sliding Cas's shirt up his body, leaving a trail of kisses and soft bites as he went. Cas pulled his shirt over his head and Dean sank down until they were laying chest to chest. Cas ran his hands across Dean's shoulders and down his back, reveling in the feeling of the hard muscles beneath his fingers, he could feel Dean start to rock his hips against him and he rocked back. Dean's mouth was hot and desperate and Cas could feel how hard he was through his pants. He reached his hand between their bodies and started rubbing Dean. The low moan that escaped Dean's mouth seemed to echo off of the walls in the total dark and silence that surrounded them. He unbuttoned and unzipped, freeing Dean's hard cock into his hand. Cas didn't have experience, but for the first time since becoming human he knew what Dean needed. He slowly started to run his hand up and down the shaft while Dean struggled to get his pants off. As the pile of forgotten clothes grew on the floor Dean moved down Cas's body, kissing and licking. Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair and lost himself. He barely felt it when Dean finished undressing him. He gasped with he felt Dean wrap his hand around his cock and lick the head. He'd never felt anything like that before. The moans seemed to come from within his chest while Dean licked and toyed with him. He finally felt Dean's take the head into his mouth and gently suck, sliding his head slowly up and down. He cried out when Dean dipped his head and took Cas's entire cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue. He could feel himself begin to throb when Dean stopped and slid his body back up the length of his. Dean placed his hands on either side of Cas's face and kissed him with a passion that he'd never felt before. He'd never wanted anything more than to be inside of Cas right now. He knew that it would hurt, but he knew that Cas trusted him. He pushed pillows under Cas's hips and knelt between his legs. He slid his fingers into his mouth and reached down to press one against Cas, gently rubbing. When Cas started rocking his hips, Dean slid the finger inside. He wrapped his hand around Cas's cock again to distract him while he slipped the other finger in, moving them around to loosen Cas and to try and find the spot he was looking for. When he heard Cas gasp, he knew that he had found it. He pulled his fingers out and pressed the head of his cock against Cas. He bent down and gave Cas a hard kiss while he slid his cock slowly inside. He could tell that Cas was in pain, but he could also feel that Cas wanted this as much as he did. He gently kissed his was along Cas's neck and shoulders, rubbing his sides and his hips until he knew that he was relaxed enough for Dean to start moving inside of him. He gently rocked his hips, trying to find a rhythm and angle that would make it pleasurable for both of them. He heard Cas moan and push against him. He reached between them and started to slide his hand up and down Cas's cock and he rocked back and forth against him. He could already feel his orgasm building, but he wanted to please Cas. He started working his hand tighter and faster as he felt the familiar throb in his own cock. He finally broke the silence by whispering, "I need you Cas...I need you...". At the sound of his voice, Cas came in his hand. He could feel Cas crying beneath him and with one last thrust he exploded. He fell limply and sweaty on top of Cas, still gently rocking his hips. His entire body was shaking with tears as he whispered, "don't leave me. Please don't leave me." in Cas's ear. He could sense Cas's tears more than he could feel them. He didn't want to move. He always wanted them to be this close. "You make me want to be this guy, Cas. I want to be the man that you see when you look at me. I can't lose that." Cas just cried and held him close. "I'm not leaving, Dean. I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
